♦ By David Le (’18), Eastside Underground (& “Humor”) Editor
As a groundhog, your singular job of seasonal prophet is over, and you’re essentially useless come spring (whenever your shadow says it may be). Many a groundhog, much like you, has waited until February 2nd every year to receive their paycheck. But, how will one paycheck get you through the spring or next winter?
Introducing the Groundhog Vocational School! A prestigious institute dedicated to job training and putting groundhogs back into the work force.
Founded by Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog from the biopic “Groundhog Day”, Phil has been one of the few groundhogs to escape the drudgery of annual seasonal predictions and hopes to provide more opportunities for groundhogs.
Located in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. This institute is a modern marvel and one of the more finer universities in the region.
Stocked with some of the finest rodent professors in the world, education is quick and easy for groundhogs! No prior education required!
Current job training and fields of study include:
- Accurate Weatherman
- Semi-professional Actor
- Dangerous Stuntman
- Band Conductor
- Calculus Professor
- Rabbit Impersonator
- …and so much more!
So what are you waiting for?
Or call: 555-GVS-JOBS, for a free estimate!